Sunday Reflections: Individuality in Marriage

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Scott and I just got back from a whirlwind weekend trip to the exotic Rexburg, Idaho. I don't miss Rexburg, but I do miss my friends who live there. A lot. I accomplished everything I wanted/needed which mostly consisted of seeing people I love and spending time with my beautiful bride-t0-be friend.

When some people we were visiting found out I was spending time with my girlfriends at showers, clothing stores and restaurants, they couldn't help but inquire:

"What's Scott going to do?"

This question kind of comically threw me off guard. I don't know what Scott's going to do... he's a grown man. Was I supposed to plan arts and crafts activities to keep him entertained? Was I supposed to worry about him sitting in some dark, lonely place anxiously waiting my return? I say all of this with a smile, as these are the images that ran through my mind when the question was asked. I know that really, the people asking were just inquiring about his plans. But I honestly DID NOT KNOW what Scott was going to do while I was gone.

When I went to my friend's bridal shower, we were asked to write down our "recipe for marriage" as advice for the bride. I ended saying something like this:

"Once all ingredients are mixed together, be careful not over-stir. You are still an individual with your own hobbies and interests."

Do you know couples that "over-stir?" Couples that are so obsessed with each other that they lose their hobbies and passions because their hobby and passion becomes their spouse? I'm not saying this is a horrible way to live if this is what you choose, but Scott and I never really went through this phase. He has always been very supportive of me and what I choose to do with my free time, and I in turn am glad that he has kept up on the things that interest him. I feel like we avoided that "I-got-married-and-now-I-don't-know-who-I-am"-crisis. Not that we tried to, just that we did. And not that people who don't are horrible or something, just that we couldn't ever be that way.

I like our differences. I like how into March Madness Scott gets. I like that he knows how to screen-print. I like that he knows random stats and facts about the world.

If I demanded that Scott only do things with me that I could do too, Scott would be a different person. He would be me. A really, really, boring version of me. I'd much rather have a man that can play the guitar than a man that would rather just cuddle and watch movies because I cannot for the life of me figure out the F chord.

Turns out Scott hung out with his guy friends and watched basketball, went to Taco Bell and saw an improv show on campus. Quite the opposite of what I did this weekend, but when we got back together at the end of the day, we loved each other the same.