So there I was, all ready for a new block in my summer semester. What was I going to lie about in my classes this time? In my winter classes, I introduced myself as "Tim" and I still hear that name shouted in my direction across campus. Last block a girl asked me about a scar on my foot and I told her I had a tumor removed. She believed me. So this block I was thinking: "exactly how far can I go with some of my stories?" It's not that I lie about important things. Mostly just weird things that I think I'll get some sort of sick kick out people's reactions. I usually end up telling the truth in the end.
I was thinking about what I was going to do next. I remembered when I went out to eat and pretended I was from Italy with some unknown accent. Italy was too well known for that accent. So my roommate and I decided that when we changed our voices that way we would either say we were from Belarus or Croatia because, well, no one knew anything about those countries.
One night, I told my roomie that I should just go to my one class (BIO 118) with that accent and pretend all block that I was from Croatia. What a story that would be for the kids: "once, in college, everyone in my biology class thought I was from Croatia." My roommate looked me dead on and told me that I didn't have the guts. She said that I would never do it. Then double dog dared me to introduce myself with that accent to everyone I met the following day- with an emphasis in my one class. If you know me at all- I don't turn down a good dare.
I went to class and with brave face introduced myself to all the students and teacher in my accent. I even had to stand up. All eyes were on me. I said I was from Croatia. Brother Wall asked how long I had lived in Boise, Idaho. Now I've lied to my fair share of people. If I didn't have a testimony, I'd probably be a con artist. I know when people don't believe me. And Brother Wall did not believe my accent. When I said I lived in Croatia for a while he looked down. "why doesn't he believe me?" Then he said: "we had a student live with us for a year from Croatia." Panic ran over me. How could this happen? This one teacher I have and he just so happened to live an entire YEAR with someone from the one random, RANDOM country I chose. I knew how to cover it. Ask where the student was from and pretend you know where that is. Instead, I just said "oh." and sat down. I wanted to leave. Brother Wall knew Croatians's and their accents- and he knew that my accent was from nowhere. After class, however, I had to talk to him about driving the vans. He saw that I was nervous and asked if it was okay if I drove. My sense of humor didn't come out with my accent. I said sarcastically: "just another opportunity to kill people." With the accent, however, I end up sounding like some terrorist from Croatia- sent to roll vans at BYU-Idaho. I jetted out of the class embarrassed, humiliated and anxious to tell my funny story of learning my lesson to everybody.
So Brother Wall, that's what happened. I'm not from Croatia. I didn't even know how to spell Croatia before this e mail. And as Heavenly Father looks down on me and says: "stop lying to my sons and daughters! It's not funny!" I come to repent. I'm sorry for lying. My accents will be saved for only the most appropriate times and I promise I will be 100% honest in life and especially your class. I hope you understand and are laughing about this as much as I am... or else the rest of this semester will be really awkward.
Your ordinary student from Boise Idaho with an ordinary American accent,