Monday, March 16, 2009

I haven't had one second to really think. I did this seemingly horrible thing this last week and basically took the whole week easy. It's interesting what happens when you do that. I all of the sudden was able to look at what I was and think: "what am I DOING?!" And then I got so depressed about it that I watched TV and thought some more about what a horrible friend I am, how selfish I've become. How many people I've subtly hurt. Hypocrisy.
Then I slowly began to pray harder. Scuba dive my scriptures more and take a hard look at myself in the mirror the spirit holds up for you. My reflection is always broken.
The hard part is, no matter how hard I try to change, no matter how much I realize my NEED to change, bad habits die hard. I still talk about myself way to much. I'm still impatient with the people around me. I still get mildly offended when people don't worship me. What is WRONG with me?
I don't know what I would do without the knowledge of the sacrifice of Christ. Die, I guess. In every sense of the word. Because even though I suck now, just wait to see what I'll become when I'm more fully relying on Him. You just wait, people. You won't be whispering about my bad attitude behind my back ever again. With the light of Christ, we'll only grow together.

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