I know members of my family read this blog (I know because they call me every once in a while to see if any of it is true). I also know of some extended family, friends, family friends, and extended family friends who, every so often, stop by to see what I have to say. And then I get a phone call or two about how they thought something was funny... I don't think I want to be funny right now.
I've learned a lot this last semester. And at the same time, I feel like I've gotten dumber. It's been really hard for me, spiritually. I've always known "who I am"- God has always blessed me with that knowledge. I know that I'm a daughter of God with a purpose. But this year, I set out to find how to start livin that purpose. I found a lot of surprises.
I didn't do well, grade wise, and was put on academic probabtion. Lost my loan, my job at the radio station, and had to start working telemarketing. I learned that you can't ignore problems to make them go away. Doing the same thing over and over doesn't give you different results. I have always been one to proudly say: "I pick my battles." But once one battle doesn't look worth the fight- no battles look worth it. Unless they're easy. Then this laziness comes about.
It's like Peter Pan. He doesn't want to grow up- that would be hard. He's good at fighting pirates and indians. But the more that I wished I was Peter Pan this semester, the more I realized I am Wendy. In the end, Wendy gets married, has children and remembers. The battles she chooses to fight are not easy- but she fights them. She fights and leaves Neverland. And Wendy grows up.
So it's time for me to stop picking my battles. It's time for me to fight even the hard ones. In the end, who knows where I'll end up. I'm getting ready to serve a mission. Maybe I'll start a career. Maybe I'll get married. Maybe I'll have children. But hopefully I will remember.
It's hard deciding to leave Neverland.
And Carrie grows up.
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