Friday Fibs (Part 5)

Tote bag found here

Ug. Between a slower than molasses computer and crazy tote bag sales (I'm only complaining about one of those things), it has been impossible for me to blog this week. Which is sad, because I miss you guys. And while missing your blog followers is a tad pathetic in some books, I am unapologetic. Still,  I wish I would have posted SOMETHING between last Friday and today. I'm afraid that newcomers are going to think I only write about my lies... Only on Fridays, newcomers! Only on Fridays!

After last week's confession, I thought I'd tone it down a bit around here.

 Once, in 5th grade, I lied during my eye exam just so they would give me glasses (this is not the fib of the day). My mom, who has suffered with poor eyesight her whole life, refused to buy me glasses I didn't need. As soon as I was old enough to walk into Claire's and spend my own money, I stocked up on fake frames.

Freshman year in college, I used to occasionally wear what are now referred to as "hipster glasses." There really was no such thing as a "hipster" in 2004, so I called my glasses my "superhero glasses." I liked wearing big thick black frames with my hair pulled up and then dramatically letting my hair down and ripping the glasses off. I think I only successfully pulled this motion off one time, though... the rest of the time I was sabotaged by a bobby pin or poking my eye out.

The problem was, my superhero glasses were only sold at dollar and drug stores in the section of low prescription granny glasses. There were no non-prescription ones because there was no demand at the time. So I would wear these babies to feel like an undercover superhero, but suffer the blurry outline of everything around me. My mom yelled at me a lot about this. "You're going to ruin your eye sight!" Which of course, struck no fear into my heart seeing as I had always wanted bad eyesight anyway.

The weird thing about these glasses, though, is that they would get me attention. I went to a small concert at the old Craigo's pizza place in Rexburg and some striking tall guy in an ironic t-shirt and  scuffed up Converse asked me for my number. This happened a lot with these glasses. Anyway, this particular guy actually called me and asked me out. I was really excited, but paused a little when he said:

"You should wear those glasses..."

Well, my 18 year-old little self did not want to disappoint this guy but I also did not want to fumble through an entire date with glasses that were ruining my eyesight. My solution was to simply break out the glass and wear the frames only.

So I show up for the date and to my irritation it's a GROUP date. I hate first dates as group dates. Everyone knows one another and you never get to know your date, and all the girls are judging you and making sure you're worthy to play boche ball with their best guy friend who they all have romantic history with. Anyway, he is really excited to introduce me to everyone and he's kind of beaming and I kind of start to feel... well... pretty. And we all climb into someone's truck and I get to sit on the lap of my tall-striking-date and the girl with overly-teased hair squeezed next to us says:

"Oh my gosh! Is there glass in your glasses?!"

To which I reply: "Nope."

And then she takes off my glasses- she puts her hands on my FACE and takes off my glasses, and starts asking me why I would wear them if there was no glass.

I start explaining that they are my superhero glasses and that I wear them while studying "ha-ha-ha" and she gives me a half laugh and tries them on asking:

"Ooooh! Do I look so much cooler with these on? Am I tricking anyone into thinking I'm cool?"

And okay, so this girl is kind of a b-word but I don't really care- until I look at my date (who's lap I'm still on) and I see that he is not making eye contact with me. Like, he's EMBARRASSED by me.

The rest of the date goes on with me only being asked why I would have the audacity to wear fake frames. My date is pretty much ignoring me now that the secret was out about my 20/20 vision. At one point, a guy in the group kind of pulls me aside and says, calmly:

"The glasses just seem dishonest you know? Like, why do you need those? You don't need to lie about who you are to be cool- just be yourself."

The way I remember it, he gave me a soft knuckle punch to the chin, but I doubt that part actually happened.

My superhero glasses were apparently incredibly dishonest and I had broken my date's trust. Which is weird, because I thought I was being pretty honest.

This story is not as bad as the "my mom died" ones of the past, but it does bring up a good point. Sometimes, lies come out of my mouth because it is just EASIER to lie than to go into it. Perhaps I should have kept the lenses in, because then no one would have known I had perfect vision and my date wouldn't have felt betrayed and we probably would have had a second date (not a third though... seriously, who gets that awkward over hipster glasses?) and I never would have had to explain my weird quirk of feeling like smarter in them or more mysterious.

But whatever. I hope you guys still trust me even if I accidentally lie to you with my accessories.