Girls Untitled

I wanted to title this post "GIRLS!" after the Beastie Boys song, but then realized it looked like I was writing some sort of strip-joint marquee. Of course, I spent the next 5 minutes trying to find a title that involved the word girls that DIDN'T sound like a strip-joint marquee and then I gave up.

It makes me grumpy that I have to be careful about how I use the word "girls" in a sentence so as not to lead people to think about naked women.

I watch ads like this and I get so happy:

You know what? My girls may not be a baby engineers. They may love babies and tea parties and princesses and the color pink. But I like the idea of them feeling that they can like anything they want.

I also dislike when totally gender neutral things are suddenly marketed toward girls and women.
Like legos. And nerf guns. And PENS.

It's an odd world for girls right now. There are cool engineer toys for them but there are also songs like Blurred Lines and a rape culture that is perpetuated through high school set TV shows and music and young adult novels. It terrifies me.

I have been on my knees praying about this. The older I get and the more I see the world that my sweet sweet baby girls are going to have to navigate, the more I rely on my Savior to help me know that
A.) It's going to be okay and
B.) I can do this. I can teach them how to sit like ladies and also know that if they don't sit like ladies it doesn't mean they have to put up with unwanted attention. I can teach them to be kind but also fierce. I can teach them to have opinions but to be tolerant of the opinions of others. I can teach them that sometimes you have to have a loud voice to stand up for what's right, and sometimes you don't. I can teach them that crying and feeling are okay and that expressing emotion does not make them "crazy." I can teach them that it doesn't make them less sweet or charitable when they disagree with someone. I can teach them that putting up a physical boundary is okay in order to protect themselves. I can teach them that boys are people who can fight WITH us and not FOR us. I can teach them to love the beauty of the earth, but also to face the realities of this world. I can teach them that while it's overwhelming, they can lift where they stand and I truly believe my girls will be a part of shaping the world around them and the people in it to something positive and moving and powerful.

This post just got heavy but I'm not sorry. It's emotion that has been sitting on the surface for me lately. There's a lot more I have to say (I edited this post like whoa), but I'll save it for when we are sitting in the car and Blurred Lines accidentally comes on the radio. Then, you won't be able to get me to shut up.

Overheard at the Chapman House

Scott: "I'm a wild stallion!"

Georgia: "Careful."

Carrie: "The dorky thing about the mini van is not the mini van. It's how much you LOVE the mini van."

Carrie: "Georgia, are you a cowgirl?!"

Georgia: "No. I pin-cess."

Georgia: (earth shattering scream)

Carrie: Georgia, do you need to scream?

Georgia: No, I need a sandwich.

And Ruthie found her voice:

So Many Halloween Parties

In all of our moving/cleaning craziness the last week of October we somehow managed to go to three (count them) Halloween parties this year. Georgia was obsessed with Halloween and it was the best. Luckily Scott and I are also big Halloween fans and Ruthie just smiles at whatever we say. 

Party #1: Church Trunk or Treat

Trunk or Treat is exactly what it sounds like. A bunch of people decorate the back of their trunks and then the kids run up and down the parking lot and trick or treat. The prep for this was kind of intense (being that it was during those few days I thought we were moving to Georgia) but fun anyway. There was a chili/soup dinner and a costume parade. I decorated our trunk with whatever was in my Halloween box that I didn't pull out this year. What made it look really cool though was the dry ice cauldron. I put the candy around the cauldron and so the dry ice vapor covered it. The kids couldn't see the candy and just had to reach in and it kind of freaked them out. It was awesome. I also have this hilariously weird skeleton in a "cage" who yells to be let out. Combine that guy with dry ice and we had a pretty spooky trunk stop.
The best part of this party was when Georgia saw Ruthie dressed up like a cat. She hadn't seen her baby sister dressed up before. She pointed to her and said: "Oh! Little cat, Mama!" And then she realized that it was RUTHIE in the cat costume and that was too much for Georgie-pants. She lost it. She just stood there pointing at Ruthie absolutely cracking up. Ruthie dressed up as a cat was the funniest thing Georgia had ever seen which then became the funniest thing I have ever seen.

Party #2: The Harrison's 4th Annual Halloween Photo Shoot

Every year, Anna throws a Halloween Photo Shoot. This is only the 2nd one we have been to but it didn't disappoint. Buck was a... "bird" and it was hilarious because pregnant Anna was a bee. Get it? The birds and the bees? Per tradition, Hocus Pocus got put on but this time the adults didn't really watch it. The girls did though and it was adorable. Mostly because Hocus Pocus is kind of messed up and scary. Georgia eats that stuff up.

Party #3: Halloween at the Sturgeons

This year we went trick or treating with Scott's sister's family and kids. I love trick or treating with my nieces and nephew and seeing their costumes :) They recently moved to a new neighborhood that goes ALL OUT for Halloween. The teenagers there dress up like really scary zombies every year and do a choreographed dance every 7 minutes. You guys. These kids were crazy talented. The make-up, the dancing, the concept. They call it "Haunt for Hope" and use the whole spectacle as a fundraiser for cancer research. They were a little too good though. And they first song they danced to was 9 inch nails and it was a bit intense for little eyes and ears... luckily Georgia didn't have nightmares but she did say she didn't want to watch it.
In the end,  we got separated from the others but Scott took Georgia to just about every house he saw and she came back with about as much candy as her big kid cousins. Which was insane.
And Ruthie slept through just about the whole thing.

I'm sad Halloween is over. It was so much fun this year. We tried explaining Thanksgiving to Georgia and, to be honest, Thanksgiving sounds super lame after a night of dressing up and eating candy.
Let's get real. Ghosts are way cooler than turkeys.

This is a moving announcement.

You know when you're so tired that you just don't feel like explaining things? That's how I have been feeling about my life lately. As in, people will ask "so what's goin' on?" and I respond with a vague "oh you know, just trying to figure out and yeah so kids are good." It mostly leaves people confused and I move the conversation to something way less important than "what's going on."

But hey, I'm grateful I have concerned/curious friends and family who are invested in us and several have called/messaged to ask about our move since my instagram pictures suddenly have a new backdrop.

I just typed out the entire story when Scott leaned over and said "whoa. You're telling the whole thing eh?" I got really self conscious and deleted it. I guess I don't need to put every detail of my life out there. It's just been a while haha!

What you need to know is this: Scott and I decided to move on faith that he would get a job with his degree. He is currently still working at his college job (which we are so grateful for) at InkedWear- his parents screen printing business. However, our apartment was becoming increasingly too small and our whole life just felt... snug. We have really outgrown where we are. So a while ago we told our landlord that we would move out by Halloween and prayed that Scott would find a job by then. And he did. Sort of.

Scott was offered an internship in GEORGIA. For about four days we sure we were going to move across the country. As we debated between making the expensive move for a vague, low paying internship and staying in Utah to continue looking, my mother in law called.

We have been blessed to be able to live in Scott's grandparents vacant condo while the family tries to sell it. This has been such a huge answer to prayer. It's perfect because we can house sit and avoid the expense of moving somewhere temporarily and also because neither of us want to be a family mooch and we are super motivated to get out of here as quickly as possible (this means Scott has not let up an inch on his job hunting).

Meanwhile, we have all been trying to get used to living in a space that is, to us, GIGANTIC! We don't even go downstairs because why? There's way too much room upstairs. Most of the furniture is gone and it is a little odd to be living in Scott's grandparents house without them here. We haven't unpacked 90% of our stuff because we want to be able to move as soon as we find the right job. And, in some odd way I feel like the packed up boxes of my living room curtains and craft supplies is telling the universe we are ready to GO any second.

So there you have it. Moving and Halloween and potty training is what has taken up my time and energy the past couple of weeks. Not the most interesting stuff in the world but it's our little world and I guess that makes it relevant to my blog ;)

Spooky Scary

It's no real surprise that, so far, Georgia loves Halloween. We have a pretty substantial costume box (one Scott and I started the second after we got married) and she likes to get in it daily.

Georgia gets a really big kick out of "scaring" people. As in, she growls a simple "rawr" at any given moment and expects a big reaction of screaming and/or running away. The problem is, she does it about every 2 minutes (especially in the car) and she does it with this little grin that is anything but scary. I do my best to give her good reactions. Though, I'm sorry to admit that I have been setting her up for disappointment.

For example, she will declare "I scare Lucee." Then she will walk up to Lucee, growl, and Lucee will stare at her blankly. At this point Georgia will do one of two things. She will either a.) relentlessly growl until she receives some sort of reaction that resembles fright or b.) scream in terror FOR Lucee.

She's used to the latter option. After all, her sister is only 2 months old.



Georgia can tell you that a ghost says "Boo" and do a mean witch cackle. She points out Halloween decorations all the time stating that they are either funny or scary.

Yesterday we went to Target and, because I was feeling generous, I told her she could pick out a toy. It took her a long time of sorting through princess barbies and masks and coloring books but she finally settled on a skull key chain with eyes that light up red and has a sinister laugh. She's gotten a kick out of it and I get a kick out of the fact that she loves it so much.

After our trick or treat bag photo shoot last night, Georgia continued to run around in her witch costume and then happily watched The Munsters on Netflix. You guys. My 2 year old loves The Munsters.

Halloween is the best.

P.S. We now have children's trick or treat bags on sale in our shop! Only $8 and FREE SHIPPING in the US. They're even ready so ship so there's a quick turn around time :)

Frequently Asked Questions

"How's Scott's job hunt going?"

It's going. Kind of. Scott is a busy guy. We are so so blessed that he has a job (as a salesman for Inked Wear) but between work and tote bags and family there just aren't enough hours in the day. We're working on NETWORKING rather than just throwing applications into the wind so if you know of a company looking for a GIS guy, I know one. GIS stands for Geographical Information Systems. It's basically map analysist. Most big companies use it. Please put us in your prayers. We are grateful for the job he has but we feel we have outgrown it (and this apartment... and this state...).

"How's having two kids?"

Fantastic! And crazy! It's gotten a lot easier to tell you the truth. I was pretty overwhelmed the first bit there. Now that Ruthie is 2 months old and I'm all healed up from the old major surgery we are finding our groove. Ruthie is much different than Georgia. She loves to look around and quietly connect with people and would smile all day long if someone was making eye contact with her. She... tolerates Georgia at the moment. Georgia just loves her so stinking much and is always in her face yelling trying to make her laugh. I just know that when they are older Ruthie is going to make the best audience for her animated sister!
The best part about having two babies is that when one is stressing me out, the other is being delightful. And yeah, sometimes they both freak out at the same time but those moments are almost too stressful for me to even realize I'm stressed and before you know it they're over!

"Are you guys still doing tote bags?"

Why yes, yes we are! You can find them by clicking here. We love our little tote bag business even if it can be stressful sometimes and we're shipping things off on the latest possible day. We have a plan for making it easier on ourselves though and a having a much faster turn around time. Also, we will have trick or treat bags soon and T-shirts! Exciting things for Seeker of Happiness.

When my Heart Went "Clunk-Clunk"

The day didn't start well. It was one of those where everything was going wrong and I was having a hard time controlling my temper and my anxiety. Every five minutes or so I would think back to the last five minutes and shake my head in shame. I wasn't handling ANYTHING right.

We bought a van that day. It took way longer than expected and the extra time threw my babies for a loop. We were only set back by an hour in our schedule, but it broke us. All of us. I decided we needed to get out of here. No more sitting around our small apartment playing with the same stuff. No more playing in our apartment complex parking lot or the same parks we've been to over and over. I knew a solo impromptu road trip with a toddler and an infant could do me in, but I didn't care. Things couldn't have been worse.

After getting the van licensed and insured, I drove home, packed up and headed for Boise. Surprisingly, the drive went incredibly well. We had left late (after dinner) and the girls slept the whole way. I'm serious- THE WHOLE WAY. It was the longest stretch of quiet time I've had all to myself in a while. I thought, and I prayed and I cried. Ruthie woke up to be fed when I took the exit off of the freeway. Georgia woke up from her cries.  By the time I rolled into my parents driveway at exactly midnight, I was emotionally limping. I mean, I was fine. But not great. And my girls were tired and hungry.

I parked the car, turned it off, and tossed my keys in my purse. Then, I opened my door, got out, shut my door, and when I reached for the side door to get my hungry, crying newborn I heard

"CLUNK-CLUNK." 

The doors, for some reason, had locked automatically. My keys were inside. So were my kids. 

My heart dropped. I unsuccessfully tried to rip the door from the frame. I pounded on the window. I scared Georgia. I ran into the house and told my mom what happened. We talked to Georgie through the car window and tried to keep her calm, Ruthie wailing the whole time. We called several locksmith numbers, but no one answered. I called the police, who said they would just break a window and gave me the number to a different locksmith. We left two messages there. We finally heard back that they were on their way.

Can I just tell you, that being able to see your babies crying and not being able to get to them is the worst experience ever? I kept choking back sobs- trying to stay calm because when Georgia saw even a little look of sadness or fear or worry on my face she started to cry. We sang songs and tapped on the windows- Georgia giving me little high-fives. All the while, Ruthie's newborn cry rang out as a soundtrack to the situation. That shaky-throat-baby cry that made me dig way down to deep to not break a window. She cried real tears for the first time in her little life. 

After 45 minutes, a happy locksmith pulled up next my new mini-van with a sympathetic smile. He opened the doors in 30 seconds. He did it for free! Told us to leave him a good review on Google. So yeah, here's to you, Advanced Lock & Key! I would have paid mucho bucks to get my kids out of there, but I am so grateful I didn't have to.

I feel like there are a lot of "at leasts" to this story. 

At least it wasn't in the middle of a hot summer day.

At least we were in my parents drive way instead of a random rest stop.

At least the locksmith did it for free. 

At least Ruthie was young enough to forgive me as soon as she started eating. 

At least Georgia hasn't had nightmares about being locked in the car. 

Perhaps this story doesn't sound as stressful to you as I am portraying it. But I can tell you that, on that day, in that moment, I felt like a complete and total failure. Looking back on it now, I feel like I have earned some sort of stripe. I'm assuming that there are moments like these that every mother has. Moments where she wonders how she was entrusted with such precious cargo and who was she kidding she can't do this omgshe'sgoingtoruineverything. 

But you get up the next morning with little ones who have already forgotten the whole thing. 

And then your two year old promptly falls down the stairs and gets a black eye. 

6 Weeks

Today marks 6 weeks since I had little Ruthie and I am happy to report I can now go about my life with no restrictions to hold me back from taking care of my house and my family. To say I have been impatient with this recovery is a bit of an understatement. I never thought I would miss running errands and cleaning my house but I did! While I have been not doing much, life around here kind of went into survival mode. Dinner became a really abstract idea unless someone put it front of us. The TV had been on 24/7. Georgia now knows the name and story of every Disney princess and Scott has had the world on his shoulders between work, tote bags, and helping me keep the house in at least some sort of working order. We have had a lot of help, and I am grateful. I have never had stitches before, let alone a major surgery so this has all been a learning experience to say the least. I feel I have new empathy for people recovering from surgery, and especially women who have c-sections (and women who have a c-section with their 4th kid and have to return home to 3 kids! I'm looking at you, Tracy).

But things are getting back to normal. Georgia is finally sleeping through the night again. I've conquered nursing while lying down. Georgia has begged for every movie she knows the name of today and I have successfully held her off. I'm tired of the TV, even if it did make an excellent baby-sitter for a while.

The pictures below are from our hiatus from life. They are from after we got home from the hospital.
No matter how hard things get, I'm sure glad I have these little faces to get me through.

Suburbanites

I really love the city. Downtown's make me feel important. I don't mind the traffic if it means I'm going to a theatre or to work or to shop local boutiques. I love late summer nights when the weather is perfect and there are fountains and street art. I like having a hard time deciding where to go eat because there are too many good places to choose from. I like the sight of a Capitol building. I like colorful sunsets even though I know what it means.

But I wouldn't want to live in the city. There are too many things that make it not worth it. Like the cost of rent/housing and the idea of apartment living with small kids. Strollers up and down subway stairs? Forget it.

I also really love small, country towns. I love the fresh air and quiet nights. I love having to rely on your family and friends for entertainment. I love the creativity it sparks and how relationships deepen when there's simply "nothing to do." I love that it's usually pretty safe, crime wise. I like the closeness of the community- the guarentee that the man at the check-out will know your name. I love the views.

But I wouldn't want to live in the country. I'd miss the cultural experiences of theatre and art. I hate to admit it, but I would be bummed if I didn't get more than one TV channel and radio station. I would hate to get inspired by something on line and only have one or two stores that could supply half of what I need. I'd hate to constantly pay the shipping for the other half from online shopping. I'd hate being far away from friends and not really have too much to allure people into visiting. I'd get bored, I think.

There's also the beach. Where someone can have no problem living with sand covering every inch of their life because the love the ocean and the waves and the year round summer. But then there's tourism. And I would miss autumn.

I feel like there city folks, country folks and beach bums in this world. People who might not live where they want but their soul is there. They dream of a high rise apartment or a 100 acre ranch.

It's all so romantic to me. I wish I was like this. But Scott and I? We don't deeply identify with the city or the country or the beach. Us? We dream of the suburbs. How boring is that? To you, probably very. But I love the look of a manicured subdivision with sidewalks. I love neighborhoods where you watch kids grow up with your kids. I love school plays and the sound of someone mowing their lawn. I love that the lady at the grocery store might know your name, but doesn't know all your business. I love that I could go see a play one weekend and go do something outdoors the next. Seriously, I dream of suburbia.

We're just a bunch of suburbanites. It's almost embarrassing. Which is why I can watch this video over and over and crack up every time:

8 Things While 28

So, this last year I only completed six of the goals I had set for myself to do while 27. No good. With a toddler and being pregnant 27 kind of overwhelmed me. And now, with an even more active toddler and newborn, 28 is overwhelming me. So I decided to shorten the list to 8 things to do while 28. Hopefully I can manage.

It's all about simplifying, right? Someone validate me!

The couches we have now are from our first year of marriage. They were garage sale couches that used to be used in student housing at BYU-Idaho. Scott promised that since they were so cheap they could be "college couches" meaning we could get real, grown-up couches later. It is later and want them. I will make this happen!

Georgia got one, so Ruthie needs one too. I think 1st birthdays are a big deal. I think it's a celebration for everyone in the family. "Hey look! We got through a whole year!"

This is a life goal that seems so simple and yet I have never done it. 

My friend Krista had this on her birthday goal list last year and I loved it. My lips have been pretty nude lately and I want something I can just throw on them so that when I'm not wearing make-up, my lip color will still flatter my face. 

I got to 15 last year. Even though I will probably have even less time to read this year, this goal pushes me to read, read, read. 

This will be long and hard but I am going to do it! 20lbs lighter, here I come!

Again, a life goal you would THINK would be simple. This has to be done. 

I only got through two months last year and then I think the holidays happened. I am excited to try again though. 

Other goals not listed but I wouldn't mind doing:
Go on a star-gazing date, learn a new craft, re-do my bookshelf, play a hymn on the piano with both hands, throw a Christmas party. JUGGLE!

Goal Report. Ouch.

To be honest, I didn't complete too many of my goals this year. When I look back on the past year there is one word that sums it up: tired. I have been so, so tired. To my credit, 10 months out of the last 12 have been me pregnant or with a newborn so there is a reason. 

Also to my credit: I made a person. 

I'm pretty sure that trumps the rest of these goals.  

But for reals, I only did 6. Out of 27. 

Ouch. 

Anyway, here's my list from last year. The ones I completed are in red. 

1. Finish that rocking chair

(My father-in-law actually did this for me as a Christmas gift, but I'm totally counting it)

2. Smash a pie in someones face

(Sad that this was a pretty simple one that didn't get done)

3. Take Little Treetops to "the next level" haha!

(I think the amount Little Treetops has grown this year speaks for itself. Also the fact that I quit consistently working on Little Treetops and now only show up for input here and there says something about it's growth)

4. Get family pictures taken*

(They were cute. You can see them here. Gotta get some more done soon now that there's 2 littles in the family)

5. Take an IQ test

(In my defense, this one is more complicated than you think. You have to make sure it's certified and it costs money. I think I looked into it for a day and gave up)

6. Keep personal and spiritual goals

(I may have been tired, but I read my scriptures every day)

7. Juggle.

(Dang. Put it on the list for NEXT year. I think that's what? Four years I haven't done it now?)

8. Ride a bicycle built for two

(By the time the weather was good enough for this, I was pretty stinking pregnant)

9. Visit a National Park I have never been to

(Ok, so I went to Yellowstone where I have been a hundred times. But I'm counting it because it's a really big deal that I went to ANY National Park this year)

10. Be featured on Hostess With the Mostess**

(You can see it here)

11. Read 30 books and record what ones they are

(I only got to 15 (the lowest in a few years). You can see what ones they were and other books I recommend here)

12. Get a yoga membership

(Nope)

13. Reach my goal weight

(Hahahahahahaha!!!)

14. Learn a new craft (metal stamping, maybe)

(Not at all. Unless you count reorganizing my craft stuff and packing it away from the toddler as a new craft). 

15. Let go of 100 Balloons at one time

(This is too time consuming. Also, littering. Still want to do it one day though)

16. Go on a star-gazing date

(I'm kind of really mad this one never happened. Would have been so easy)

17. Paint my bookshelf black

(Yeah right)

18. Ride in a hot-air balloon OR bungee jump

(A year ago, was I just made of money when I put this list together?!)

19. Build a legit igloo

(During the winter I was super nauseous. Also, hard to do with Georgia when the "yard" in our apartment complex is pretty much a parking lot. Further, igloos take time. No, I didn't do it)

20. Complete a "wreck this journal"

(Again, a pretty easy goal but I never bought one)

21.Join a choir

(I had the best intentions to join my church choir but sleep and breakfast took first priority. One day)

22. Play a hymn on the piano with both hands

(Not this year)

23. Own a freaking Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Bag.

(I now own TWO of these bags and a travel case. And no, I did NOT pay full price for any of it. I love them)

24. Visit the Timp Caves

(Again, pregnancy hindered this later on)

25.Go to the Swiss festival 

(Maybe next time)

26. Do a Random Act of Kindness at least once a month

(I don't think I did this. Which is sad)

27. Keep a gratitude journal- everyday for the entire year.

(I got through November)

A Name and a Blessing

 

Sunday was Miss Ruthie's blessing* day and it was beautiful. There were some funny and awkward moments, but overall- beautiful.

Ruthie decided that she would only snack a little bit in the morning (though I tried to feed her several times before church) so, of course, she was starving by the time we got to the church building. She looked like a little baby angel, but she was not a happy camper. 

Regardless of the crying, Scott was able to bless her through the priesthood power. She was blessed to be a steadfast member of the church and to be a rock to those who doubt. It really was a beautiful blessing. Even if she did wail through the entire thing.

Scott gave her the name Ruth Pearl Chapman (same as the one on her birth certificate) and I'm happy he didn't change it. You can do that. But he didn't since it was a long hard road to get a name we agreed on!

See, back when I was very pregnant with Georgia, I was watching TV and some girl power commercial came on. There were little girls saying their names.
"I'm Elizabeth."
"Hi, I'm Aubrey."
"I'm Courtney."

And in the mist of all of it came the sweetest little voice joyfully proclaiming:

"It's me, Ruthie!"

My heart jumped and I knew that if we had another little girl, that would be her name. Scott was thrilled and we had our Georgia and put the name Ruthie in the back shelf of our mind.

So when we found out we were having our 2nd girl, there was no question that she would be called Ruthie. It bothered us that it was not a family name, but we felt strongly about it.

Well, my mother's name is Lorna (which I love all on it's own) and she has no middle name. While I was telling her about the name Ruthie she mentioned that the only name she ever liked with Lorna was Ruth.

Lorna Ruth. How adorable is that? Georgia Rose and Lorna Ruth. I was in LOVE.

I had never been one to think about having a child go by their middle name but Ruth Lorna sounded pretty dumb and suddenly the whole middle name thing was no big deal to me at all.

To Scott, however, this was treading on IMMORAL territory. He and his family felt so strongly that it was JUST WRONG to have a child go by their middle name as if the kid would have this great burden their entire lives.

That's when the playful fights started. I just couldn't believe that he was so against our daughter going by her middle name and he just couldn't believe that I was actually considering it.

That's when the playful fights turned not so playful. He couldn't give me a better alternative to Lorna Ruth. He felt it was unfair that I was using his mother-in-laws name in the situation. As if striking down the suggestion of Lorna Ruth as a slight to my mom.

That's when we started getting recruits. We talked to everyone and asked their opinion. We built small armies in our defense. But it turned out for every person who thought it was dumb to go by your middle name, there was another person who said they liked it/it didn't matter.

That's when we started to negotiate. Late one night, when Scott was almost asleep, I asked him what I would have to do to name our baby whatever I wanted. Rolling over onto his back he thought for a minute and said: "Get us out of debt."

That's when I started pinching my pennies. You guys, I paid off A LOT of debt this summer. Like, A LOT. At least, I think so.

This is also about the time we just stopped talking about the name. I was settled on Lorna Ruth and I was going to basically buy my way. Scott was settled on Ruth Undetermined and his family ran to his defense whenever the name issue was brought up. Pretty soon, we just stopped bringing it up.

One day, when I was REALLY pregnant, my mom called me up. She said that she had just gone to the temple and that she did the temple work for a woman named Victoria Pearl. I thought that was a really pretty name but a bit fancy for my taste. I wondered why she would bring it up since we had already been so settled on Ruth. Then she said "I was thinking Pearl..."

Ruth Pearl. Ruthie Pearl.

My heart did the same jump as it had 2 years earlier when listening to the little girl on TV. I knew that that was the name. I got really excited and my mom got really sad since we weren't going to use Lorna.

Later, I told Scott about it and I mentioned that it was not a family name, but that it was so pretty. He loved it (obviously) and THEN told me that it kind of WAS a family name. His Grandpa Chapman had been raised by parents who were not in the LDS church and his grandmother would take him to church every Sunday. Because she did that, Grandpa Chapman stayed active in the gospel and the active membership of the rest of the Chapman descendants is accredited to Great-Great-Grandma Chapman. Her name was Edith Pearl.

So there you have it. Once it was decided we felt so much better. Both because we found a name we loved and because we got out of a lot of debt in the process! Now that she is here, it is clear that her name just fits her perfectly.

Scott got me this beautiful necklace that I wore to Ruthie's blessing on Sunday to celebrate our two beautiful girls:

I love that I have my Georgia Rose and Ruthie Pearl. My Rose and my Pearl. I'm so lucky. 

*In the LDS church, babies are not christened or baptized. Baptism comes later, at the age of eight. Babies are born pure of sin so have no need to be baptized out of the womb. Instead, they are given a blessing by someone who holds the priesthood (traditionally the father) and given a name to go on the records of the church and to bless the child with spiritual and physical welfare. 

Rocking like a Hurricane

We are alive over here. We may be zombies with two black eyes, but we are alive. I feel like I have a lot to say but it's hard to find an eloquent way to articulate it all. My lack of eloquence has been a problem I've had for at least a year, but I'm finding it all even more difficult in the hurricane of two kids.

That's what this is, too. A hurricane.

You know when you have your first baby and everyone asks you how you are and you describe the whole experience as an "adjustment" and a "whirlwind?"

This. This is a hurricane.

But it's wonderful too. Because there's the fact that Georgia has only slept all the way through the night 3 times since we've brought the baby home, but there's also the fact that Ruthie only wakes up once or twice in the night to eat. There's Georgia practically killing her newborn sister by "dancing" with her, but then there's moments where the three of us play (well, Ruthie is forced to play) and Georgia laughs so hard she cries. There's me, not even allowed to push a vacuum due to c-section recovery going crazy because my tiny apartment gets dirty real quick. And then there's Scott who wakes up with Georgia, gets her breakfast, goes to work, comes home, gets everyone dinner and in bed and then spends the rest of the night printing tote bags or applying for jobs. There's frustration with breastfeeding, but there's satisfation in seeing a little milk drunk face and knowing I had everything to do with that. There's tears, but there is laughter. There is yelling, but I like to believe there are even more hugs.

When texting my friend Darcy about having two kids she told me there are higher highs and lower lows. I loved that. It has been the best thing anyone has told me so far. Because the whole thing is wonderful.

And it's also a hurricane.

Ruthie Pearl or A Birth Story

This post has taken me a while to write. There are a number of reasons, not the least of which being the fact that I just had a second kid and my world is trying really hard to stop spinning out of control.

But there are other reasons too. Like, I wanted to wait until I had some really good photos. And I wanted to go over the notes I took in the hospital about the experience and really remember it all again. And also that I DIDN'T want to remember it all again because, to be honest, it wasn't the greatest. This makes me feel bad. Because Ruthie is here and we are in love with her and obviously we are so so grateful that she is here with us and that our family has grown in such a wonderful way. But when I talk about the birth experience, it's not all roses. So how do I talk about the whole thing HONESTLY without sounding ungrateful or whiny? I don't know. But I will try.

After passing my due date (7/26) I was scheduled to be induced the following Tuesday at 7:30am. This was perfect as it gave my family time to drive down from Boise. Monday night was spent repacking my hospital bag and chatting with my parents. We went to bed a tad too late and I thought I would regret it but fell asleep pretty quickly.

Then my water broke at 3am.

I was determined to shower and shave my legs (something I was planning on doing in the morning) so I told Scott my water broke and jumped in the shower. Contractions started quickly but I was on a mission. I was worried about getting the bathroom wet after I got out of the shower so I shouted for Scott and was answered by silence. So I kept shouting until my mom came in and finally Scott came to put towels on the floor. ... He had fallen back asleep!

As I (and Scott) got ready to go, my contractions got worse. I was also determined to eat something so I had a little toast and a banana and some juice. My contractions really came on now and I was finding I would have to breathe through them a bit. We timed them and they were exactly 2 minutes apart.

I kissed my sleeping Georgia and whispered that I was going to bring her a sister.

When we got the hospital (about 4am), they put us in the EXACT same room I delivered Georgia in! It was like a way more painful flashback. Turns out I was at 5 1/2 cm.

Things were getting more intense so I decided to get an epidural but wanted to wait until my mom got to the hospital. I was breathing through contractions and I wanted Scott to distract me from the pain so I told him to talk to me.

"Have I ever you told you about Malawi?"

During each contraction, Scott would talk to me about the demographics of different African countries because it's all he could think to say! And I would ask questions through gritted teeth
"Is it more tribal?"

Once my mom arrived so did the anesthesiologist. He was very quiet and seemed a little grumpy which was my biggest fear. I got a lot of anxiety about it and he had not one word for me. He just told everyone to sit down. He was the farthest thing from comforting but he did his job. The epidural was so relieving.

I rested a little while until it was time to push.

I pushed for about an hour but was told that the baby's head was not coming down. I pushed some more and then was told that the baby was actually flipped facing up instead of down and that she would need to turn before we went on.

 Well, they had me lay on my side and told me to NOT push. This was worse than contractions. I wanted to push so bad and the pressure was really really intense and was wearing me out.

After an hour of that, they checked me again and told me nothing had changed. So they had me roll over to my other side and told me to NOT push again. I hated it. I was on my other side for another hour and was becoming pretty exhausted. I was riding the pressure like a wave, but it was tough

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They called in the anesthesiologist again so that it wouldn't be as intense. Also, I was told that the baby still had not moved and so my doctor was going to try and flip her himself.

I was having a lot of anxiety through all of this, and I was really happy that I had brought some essential oils with me. I really think they helped me relax.

I trust Dr. Steele very much and he came and literally flipped the baby in a few contractions. I was happy they had refreshed my epidural before that! There was also a part of me that wished they would have just manually flipped her in the first place rather than going through those 2 hours of not pushing. Although she was in place, they told me she was still up very high.

After the baby was flipped, we decided to push again and I had some renewed energy to get her out. I pushed with everything in me but the baby's head was not getting any lower. This is when talk of a c-section started. I did NOT want a c-section. I was not mentally prepared for one and, quite frankly, it terrified me.

Scott gave me a priesthood blessing. I desperately wanted the blessing to say that I wouldn't need a c-section but instead it said that our baby would be born and healthy. That is what I had to focus on. But still, I prayed so hard that each of my pushes would get the baby down lower.

That was just not happening.

My anxiety really started going crazy. I was a nervous wreck and my doctor told me that I would most likely need a c-section. He said my body had been working for 4 hours to push the baby out and she had not dropped to where she needed to be. He told me that I would wear myself and the baby out soon. But I wanted to keep pushing until I HAD to stop. So that's what I did. After about another 30 minutes, he came back in and showed me that the baby's heart rate had started to drop. She was now in distress.

I started bawling. I mean, I really lost it. My mom kept telling me that it was okay to cry like that. She kept telling me to get it out. And I did. I cried because I felt like I was a wimp and that I COULDN'T push her out. I cried because I didn't know how I was going to take care of my 2 year old after surgery. I cried because I didn't know what to expect with a c-section and I was worried about a whole new type of pain. I cried because I kind of felt like a failure.

The doctor asked me to sign a release form "stating you're okay with a c-section even though you aren't."

I asked if I could have Scott AND my mom in the operating room. The grumpy anesthesiologist said no. This made my mom grumpy in her own right.

I didn't feel good about having a c-section, so I looked to Scott and I asked him if he thought it would all be okay. He had so much peace in his eyes and on his face. He assured me that he knew everything would be alright. Now, I have never in my life made a decision based on what someone else felt or told me without coming to grips with it myself first. But that day, I completely relied on my husband and his faith and assurance.

We got ready to go in and I was so happy that Scott could be there with me. He also looked pretty amazing in his operation-room-scrubs.

Once I was all on the table and everything they told me that they wouldn't be able to put the baby on my chest right away and that she would go be weighed and measured in the other room. This made me feel sick. Scott sat up by my head with the anesthesiologist. I felt overwhelmingly grateful for him in that moment and told him so.

The exhaustion really started to hit me while they did the cesarean. I have since told people that I kept "falling asleep" but that makes it sound like I was weirdly relaxed and relieved which I was not. Scott said I can go ahead and say I was "in and out" because I was pretty much incoherent. I woke up to hear Ruthie cry and I tried so hard to keep my eyes open! Scott went into the other room where she was and the next thing I heard was everyone in the operating room shouting:

"Oh wow! 9lbs 10oz! Did you hear that, Carrie?!"

I don't know if I responded or not.

I know that every once in a while I would wake up and start shouting "I'm all done now! I'm all done!" The anesthesiologist had told me that I might feel anxious and that he would give me something for that. The next thing I woke up to was Dr. Steele asking "is she calmed down?"

And I gotta hand it to Mr. Grumpy medicine man. While he barely said a word to me through out my labor, he was there for me during the procedure. He would stroke my head and told me "it's okay, sweetie" and assured me it would be over soon and that I would have my baby. He wiped my mouth when I vomited. He was really wonderful in the end.

Scott brought Ruthie in to see me but I couldn't keep my eyes open which I remember feeling really guilty about at the time. I was just so so tired.

They gave her to me as they wheeled me back into the delivery room and I slowly realized that she was here. That I had her and that we were okay.

 I could not wait to get her fully into my arms!

That's it. I remember when being wheeled back into the room and telling my mom "that was hard!" Because it was. But in the end, I got the chubby, dark haired baby I always thought I would have. There has been so much more to this transition to two kids than I thought there was going to be, but I think I will talk about all of that later. There are more photos and more things to say in the coming blog posts (and private journal entries) but for now I'm happy I was able to get this story down. We are so grateful for the healthy and safe arrival of our baby Ruthie!

And let's talk about these pictures. Anna had given me the gift back at Christmas to take my birth photos. She was on the short list of people I wouldn't mind being in the delivery room. Of course, the birth did not go as planned but as I was looking through these photos I became so weepy! She pretty much captured the first time I REALLY saw my baby and I will be forever grateful for that gift.